Christmas Part 2: Starbucks Cups & The War on Christmas

In case you haven’t read enough articles from people telling you how to feel about Starbucks Christmas cups, here’s another one to fill your time.

Everyone knows how this story goes: Starbucks is ruining Christmas by turning it into a sanitized “Happy Holidays” with solid red cups (or in this year’s model, red cups with winter scenes on them).

Just like with PSL: pick your side.

On the one hand, I see where people are coming from. You’re upset about Christmas being changed into Happy Holidays? Cool, I get it. You want to feel free to say Merry Christmas to someone you bump into on the street? Sure thing, you got it. It’s your choice to risk a stranger freaking out and assaulting you on the street for suddenly turning to them and saying words at their face. Do your thang, man. Nothing wrong with wanting to infuse some meaning into a holiday.

Here’s where I have my issue: we talk about these cups like they dictate the Christmas season. Or like these cups are some corporation’s way of teaching me how to think about something. Or like people don’t have brains to think for themselves (although this last one I’m not always so sure about).

You can’t be serious.

This has to be the same reasoning that causes people to put political campaign stickers on their car: do you really think putting a bumper sticker on your car is going to influence the voting of the guy behind you just because they see a sticker? It’s like you think that if someone drives behind you in traffic, they’ll see your sticker and then suddenly realize they’ve been so wrong this whole time.

Yup, probably that.

Mission successful. Every time.

At this point, even if the cups did have some form of influence, it’s been superseded by something even more important to Starbucks: free PR that can raise awareness for their latest holiday drink. You know someone in Starbucks’ corporate marketing office is sitting there, figuring out how to drive people crazy with their cup design to get a free batch of news articles written. It’s like the small consolation prize for being assaulted for a cup redesign each year.

So everyone just chill out. I think we can rest assured that most people aren’t sitting with their Starbucks drink, thinking about how their Christmas has been violated by some capitalistic swine in an ivory tower who would sell out Christmas just to appeal to a wider audience. Want something better to think about? Think about the fact that just you paid $5 for an 8 oz beverage with 2 shots of white mocha and more calories than anyone’s Thanksgiving dinner had, all while eating a croissant but thinking you’re fine because you ordered their coffee drink with non-fat milk. Let’s talk about the real crime.

And if at the end of all this, you’re still feeling violated, go to Dunkin Donuts. Their coffee is better anyway (just ask any East Coaster worth their salt). Boom bam. Easy solutions.