Help Desk: Ticket 2 – Cat Conundrum

Help Desk has their paws full this week. Me-YEOW.

Help Desk: Ticket 2
Office Woe: Social Situation

Dear Help Desk,

I asked my coworker Tanya to take care of my cat while I visited home over Christmas. I dropped Star (the cat) off at Tanya’s house before leaving, and just returned to a nightmare.

During the break, Tanya asked my best friend Randy, another coworker of ours, out on a date and when he declined, she informed Randy and I that she would hold the cat hostage until Randy agrees to go out with her. She claims she will kill the cat if Randy continues to decline her advances or if either of us breathes a word of this to another coworker or law enforcement. Randy refuses to go through with the date and Tanya is inching closer to following through with her threat. I just want my cat back. Alive.

Oh, and did I mention that our cubicles are all within 50 feet of each other? The stress is almost too much to handle.

Please help. I am clueless as to how to proceed.



Dear Distraught,

Me-YEOW, do you have a problem on your hands, and our condolences for the cat-tastic level of stress you’re enduring right now.

Often we find that an equally direct response to an offense is an effective way of resolving issues. When we have issues in our office about who stole whose USB drive, we often settle it with an honor duel to the death. It’s only appropriate that the punishment fit the crime.

In a similar way, we recommend taking something of Tanya’s as collateral which you can then exchange for the safe return of your cat. We have found that something of high value can quickly resolve a tense situation, so go for something that she cannot possibly live without – perhaps a cell phone charger, or a rescue inhaler. We can assure you that with the proper leverage, your cat will be safely in your arms again soon.

Please note that we at Help Desk strive to provide you with the most comprehensive and effective solutions that humans can possibly generate. If at all possible, please follow up with us to let share the level of success you have had with this solution.

And once you have your cat safe in your arms again, be sure to Take a moment to PAWS and be thankful.

All the Best,

Help Desk


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