New Positions at Work (aka Studies of Which Grass is in Fact Greener)

Starting new positions at work – man they’re great. And man they’re scary. At the same time.

It’s like, one day you decide in your head that sitting near Cheryl is going to somehow give you a heart attack before the age of 30 if you have to hear one more blessed story about how her cats pooped in her shoe this weekend (aren’t they just adorable? CONTROL YOUR FRIGGIN ANIMALS, CHERYL. IT’S CALLED BOUNDARIES!!).

It’s during times like listening to Cheryl’s cat stories that you realize it’s time to change – for your health and for your overall happiness.

So there you go… hopping ship like it ain’t no thang, thinking the grass will be greener on the other side because you’re pretty sure that they use MiracleGro on that side because they know how to grow grass like the best of them.


And you know what? A fresh start might not be such a bad thing after all!

New positions are great. They’re new chances to start over, to prove yourself in a new way and to try something new.

They’re also a chance to start with a clean slate that you could screw up if you don’t show your new boss that you aren’t a mistake hire (so, it’s like, no pressure, you know?).

We humans are pretty funny about change. I’m pretty sure the reason we start new things like 90% of the time is because we’re somehow certain that it’s going to make things instantly better (in the same way that ramen can be made instantly in the microwave in its carcinogenic styrofoam cup and we think it will instantly solve our hunger).

But just like ramen, a quick tradeoff in jobs can be a cheap substitute for the real deal that you’re looking for (aka, learning to tell Cheryl to buzz off or you’re going to start spraying her with a water bottle the same way she should be spraying her cats). So if you’re thinking about making a big change at work, you might want to make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into (and make sure the new opportunity isn’t shrimp-flavored, which is easily the worst type of ramen one can consume).

So when you’re doing your “Grass is Greener Comparison Studies” to decide what’s the best choice, make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. Make sure you’re moving so you can grow, learn a new skill or even challenge yourself in a completely new field. Because otherwise, you might be on the side that doesn’t know crap about lawn care and their grass is dead and full of weeds (not weed. WeedZ). And if you need additional proof that you aren’t alone if you’re in a position that was much different than you thought it would be, you can find additional solidarity here.

But for now, hang in there. Or at least make a good contingency plan.

Yours in professionalism,

A Fellow Office Worker


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