Am I a Work Parent? – A Guide to Caring for Your Interns

This summer, Cube City has fresh blood. Nice.

It’s funny to watch new recruits come into the office, with everyone asking questions as they walk by – who are they? where did they come from? Where are they going to be sitting?

And, most importantly, are they going to drink my favorite flavor of K-cup coffe in the break room?

These are the questions that keep office workers awake at night.

Our new blood comes in the form of high-school interns, fresh off the boat and not knowing a thing about office life (except maybe in the form of Michael Scott).

Watching new interns in the office is like watching a baby gazelle walk around the Savannah for the first time, not realizing there’s a lion behind that bush over there. You’re like “awww” but also “yikesss,” and then you cover your eyes with your hands and look through the slits between your fingers because you want to see how it ends.

Feeling solidarity for the younger blood in Cube City, I’ve compiled some care tips for your young wards. It’s like the book every parent wants but never gets, the “How to Raise Your Child” book. Except the work version.

You’re welcome.

Tips for Caring for Your Intern:

  1. Dear God, stop complaining – ‘Intern’ is code for ‘people we want to one day recruit for our business,’ so don’t scare them off by complaining about work or your personal life. It isn’t their fault that someone parked in your covered space or that you were up too late binge-watching the new season of OITNB. Complain to HR – it’s literally their job to listen to you.
  2. Ask them questions – they probably have something interesting to say that doesn’t involve email or lunch hour or “getting your steps in.” And I almost guarantee you they can teach you something about your smartphone. Take advantage of it before you have to pay Apple to teach you how to text.
  3. Feed them sufficiently – office life may blow sometimes, but you know what doesn’t? The vending machine and leftover food from meetings. That’s your selling point. Work it for all it’s worth (for a more comprehensive review of behaviors surrounding free food in the office, check out this post right here).
  4. Send them off to their next rotation – If you can’t handle it, suck it up for the next few days. Be strong. Cause they don’t need to see a grown adult cry. Not at 18. At least let them wait until after college.

Enjoy your few precious moments with these fledgling office workers. Have some fun and try not to scare them off too quickly (because let’s be real – most of them are ending up in an office anyways).

All the best,

A Fellow Office Worker



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